Is a bad trait of mine. I eat my burritos too quickly and bite into a frozen portion in the middle. I'll buy the first shirt I like at the mall instead of checking across the street for the same shirt that costs 25 dollars less. And occasionally I'll write about feelings I have when they aren't actually my feelings but just ruffled feathers.
I'll liken it to the line in the movie 12 Angry Men: "I'll kill you!" says one man "Now you don't really mean that do you?" says the other. I haven't gone back over what I had previously posted, and I think I'll just delete it forever. Somethings, whether they be there or not are not good to be read over and studied. It was my ego flaring up, and he is an ugly SOB.
More over my concern is it's effect on those who read it. I can't even think about that right now, I kinda want to forget it was even there... but like that expensive shirt I have hanging in the closet I won't be able to ever throw it away. And I'll probably never normalize the relationship I ruined.
Two things: 1. I don't feel how I feel when I posted that, those feelings were unfair, biased and not who I am. 2. It was not fair of me to post them, for anyone.
It wasn't only me that was hurt last night. I've got to remember that. I am sorry for wasting your time in that last post, being Hasty is a bad habit of mine.
So, everyone is probably steaming over who this was all about. And no, it's not who you think. I met this girl that lives in a different building than me and we got a long really well and things were going great I thought (she asked me not to ever use her name here, so I wont) but I totally botched it and now I don't even know we can ever go back to being friends because of my betrayal. I thought a split second about not posting all that crap last night... but I'm not nearly as strong as I suppose, and I did want to share it, and I wanted other people to be able to feel it... what a waste of a person I am sometimes. Good friends don't do that to each other, I'm not a very good friend sometimes. But, I'm doubtful she'll ever read this thing again, so I'll have to try to patch it over somehow.
Anyway, sorry about that folks, must have been disturbing to read, I don't even want to look at it.
- A
