Maybe it's watching Firefly again, or maybe it's other stuff (probably) in my life. But finding a nice peaceful slice of serenity in life is such a welcome occurrence in the breaks of my life. I have good friends, good attitudes, and more importantly, I believe I need help in my life to be happy.
I won't lie and say I'm living in some sort of dream world where sunshine and dandelions are my constant companions, but the feeling of contentment I feel at certain times sure feels that good.
The help in my life doesn't come from me, but from a few key friends that have allowed me to pick my head up from the dreary hole of insecurity and vast ocean of doubt I had been drifting in. I won't say my experience is unique or even as difficult as I pretend it to be, but when you know you over come something that touches you to your core, everyone can empathize. I look at my life as a breaking down of my weaknesses and choosing to be strong enough to pick myself up, having passed the test. Now however, I know there things in my life I am unable to pick myself up from the first time (or even multiple times). Help is required. I feel a very small feeling when I stop and pay attention, usually my thoughts and doubts are so loud and crass I can't feel it. However, finding the love of my Heavenly Father in my life has given me back my ability to be patient, and to feel it when I take a breath. Something so small, and precious as to give me a life worth living, and maybe worth something to a future companion seems such a miraculous gift I can't quite express.
Life without these moments of serenity can seem an exhausting, embittering, and can very easily delude the mind into thinking it is drifting alone with no end in sight. And life does feel like that for me at times I won't lie. But now I have moments of peace, of happiness, of serenity. And it makes all the difference.
-A
