Now what do I write about now that my experiment has now concluded? What's more interesting is the effects it's had on me. My attempt was to see if I could document the changes of quality of life from living an "active", "happy" Mormon life to a seminal "normal" life. It came to me when I met a non member family in Arizona whose lives seemed happier, more productive, and more grounded in their morals than most active Mormons (myself included). They're the kind of people who we would describe to other Mormons as so close, "If only they'd hear the discussions..." And so I thought. I spoke at length with my good friend Marcus (the husband) at length about the Church and what happiness he could find for his family. But quite honestly, he told me, he couldn't be any happier than he was now. And that was true enough, I couldn't deny the love he and his family had, it was really inspiring to see actually. They were financially stable, successful, and very disciplined family (very into martial arts). They didn't have to give up 10% of their income, the didn't have to go to church every Sunday, and yet they seemed to reap every blessing we hope to achieve (temporally that is). It was startling really. So, quite honestly, I wanted that. And for all the blessings we proclaim to receive because of our sacrifices I never met anyone who lived as well as my good friends in Arizona. I imagine a lot of people join the Church based off of their Mormon neighbors who seem to live the way my friends in Arizona lived. They just seem so happy, how can I get that? Talk to these two young men? Do what they say? Okay! And a new member is born. But here I was, not a year off my mission, with all the wisdom I had learned on my mission at my disposal , and I couldn't convince a happy man that there was more happiness to be had... and I wanted what they had.
In all reality I just got lazy, and I saw you could possibly be just as happy right now without having to go to singles ward and dance the stupid singles dance, play their games, and listen to their drive. I just sort of went church-inactive, I was disheartened by what I had to do to be considered "active" really. I hated that. And I still kinda do, and I imagine I kinda always will. But it is no longer a determining factor in my activity in the Church or a detriment to my testimony.
So, I slipped. And a scary idea occurred to me about a kind of experiment I could do. I was fascinated by it and terrified at trying it to what could happen to me. I could never actually recommend anything I do or think about because I've learned what I need is not what other people need. We make our choices of who we are and what we are able to accept, I am almost always of the opinion that the more difficult the better. The harder the trial, the better the reward sort of thinking. And I liked to think that by choosing the more difficult path was a noble endeavor, but I came to a personal conclusion about that sort of general thinking. And that conclusion is: if you lose the grounding principles you can gain nothing of value.
I find it hard to describe what changed in me really. The best I can describe it is this: You know when you're on an airplane and you grab both wrong ends of a seat belt? You know you have two pieces of a seat belt, and for a moment confused as to why it doesn't work. When laid everything down in my life to look at it, and then tried to pick it back up, one of the ends slipped through the crack. What I was doing was trying to force the two pieces together, I had completely forgotten the other piece that makes a seat belt work. The two pieces are always just described as "the seat belt" and never "the female end" and "the male end" as they actually are referred to by a technician. Looking at me from a distance you probably couldn't figure out why I couldn't get my seat belt to work (everyone else is buckled in and ready for take off). But, I found the missing piece and that's the important thing. I'll let the metaphor drop before I have to describe if it was the female side or the male side that was missing haha!
I have more to say on this subject, considering how large a topic it is, but I'll try to condense it more for you dear reader.
