So, I went to church today. It was about as boring as always I think. I had a small discussion with my roommate James during a particularly boring talk (the delivery, not the subject). My point was that the moments in which I feel the spirit come when I find a solution to a personal problem, not just repeating gospel principles and singing a song. With as bland and watered down the lessons we have in Elders Quorum are, I can't help but think it will always be boring for me, or at least 90% of the time. False assumptions, poor perspective, and just poor asking of questions keep me in a state of slight frustration in classes most time. Maybe I should say what I think, and let it fall where it may, but I could be challenging everyone unfairly (especially the teacher). I would also be challenging the flow of the class, which disruption could do more harm than good, since it would only be alleviating my boredom. I love talking about the church and spirituality... but not as it's lined out in lesson plans. I hate being bored with subjects that I love. It makes me irritable. For a long time I felt immense guilt about this. I felt it deep down inside and it made me very sad that I was that way... so I tried to just "fake it 'till I made it", only I still cant seem to 'make it'. And I'm coming to the opinion that I don't have to. I don't have to feel guilty about my boredom or my distaste in teachers. I come to this conclusion because I realized even if I wasn't bored, and we were having some amazing conversation, I still wouldn't feel the Spirit. I feel it when I am having a discussion or thought process that leads me to a brick wall in which I can't over come. At this moment, when a rope is lowered to help me climb over it I feel it. I don't walk around feeling the spirit, I don't sit in class and feel the spirit, I don't do a lot of 'spiritual' things and feel it. So, my point is, church is boring, and I don't feel guilty about it. I wish I had a solution to boring speakers/teachers, but they will always be there. Just a reality we all have to deal with I guess... my question is, knowing what we, the bored, know, do we have the duty to speak up? Of course I know that's correct, it's just... it seems like such a long jump, I and I wouldn't want anyone just pushing me before I was ready to jump. And if it's a gradual process in which I have to hold everyone's hand and let them know they don't have to be bored either (I know everyone is just as bored as I am sometimes), maybe that's what has to happen.
No conclusions, just thoughts so far.
Oh, and no prospects yet. I did spot a Jennifer Conolly look-a-like... unfortunately she's as tall as the real Jennifer Conolly. Shorties need not apply lol.
