I mean, this is where I get to be mushy and feel okay about it, so I won't apologize for anything oozing over the sides, I'm not even going to clean it up! Hah!
Being impervious to good advise is an unfortunate trait I have sometimes (as some of you know too well). But some things have come to my attention, which have focused my mind in such a way as to align my mind with previous advice given. The causation of this focusing isn't quite so important at the moment as the effect of said focus. Simply said: I want to feel good again. I want to shrug off the shackles that have been slowly tightening around my body and spirit.
The problem have simply been logical ones really. I can see there is no winning side to living a life of pure logic. A good life is to find the balance in order to progress down both roads spiritual and logical. I know there are logical reasons for everything, and I would be the first to admit them. But there must be more to life than these simple observations on our humanity. Logically, the idea that God wants me to do something that's difficult or obvious makes the same amount of sense as if he wasn't there as if the task in front of me just purely out of happenstance. If I did it, I would be bettered in the end for having completed the task. So, if I am going to be bettered by believing or not, why can't I do it because I believe someone greater than I loves me. What sort of world could I create where love could simply be biological, or socially constructed? Because that's the sort of question I have landed on several times in my wandering mind. The real missing key to my perspective was love. I have been depriving myself of it in order to "figure stuff out" without even realizing it. I moved away from home (losing the close love of my family). I don't date. I am have become merely a shell of logistics and witticisms.
I had spoken about some mysterious goals before, and how I had been working on them and whatnot. I had never really verbalized them on paper or even on my mind, but they were there, they were leading my thoughts down the road to the conclusions at which I am now finalizing on. I've been missing out on some good life because of those things, and I am grateful for having the freedom in order to experiment (Oh noes, I'll have to admit I experimented in college! rofl). But I think I'm ready for the rest of my life now. I think I deserve some ice cream.
Ice cream contains love right?
-A
