Are platonic friendships between men and women possible? It's a question that never seems to get resolved and usually just ends in "I don't know..." once all the arguments are laid out on the table. I am always interested to hear people who have had these strained relationships and their variance of opinions. We want there to be one answer. We want to have a determined end, or comforting argument to justify which ever side we happen to be on.
I have been through two very similar situations in my life (one is still happening, but its finish is irrelevant which I will explain). I have liked two girls in which both have declined my advances and simply wanted to be friends. I felt a deep soul bond with both girls, and been head over heels for both. In a lot of regards the beginnings of each relationship were very similar. Lots of drama and pain in between the initial admission of interest, and a LOT more on the second.
The first girl I believed whole heartily that we could be friends and completely ignored the voice in the back of my head that said I was only being friends because I hoped she would change her mind and want me in a romantic sense. In some ways I can see that happening in marriages quite easily. Wanting the person so badly that you're willing to restructure your needs to better fit the object of your affection. So, we remained friends from much pleading from myself (I'll never forget that conversation and my idiocy). So friends we remained, I played my part, she didn't really want or need to be my friend in retrospect, but her mistake was indulging me because she didn't want to hurt me I suppose. Years of hoping and waiting passed on my end. My confidence was slowly tearing apart as what I wanted would always remain outside of my grasp. I would never get it it seemed, and resigned myself to try and be as happy as I could with this knowledge. A lot of that remains to this day unfortunately, but here's the second part.
I found someone who provided the exact opposite of that of the first girl. I felt my soul heal, happiness elevated me and I felt like she was healing me. We were friends immediately. Unfortunately I had learned from my previous relationship that not only men and women really couldn't be friends, but more importantly I couldn't be friends with someone I wanted. I was and am scarred and I will probably always carry some of that with me. However, because of the difference of this new girl, because she actually cared about me and not just about making another person sad and how that looked, I am able to maintain a friendship. Because this second girl is able to give me confidence, and talk to me honestly about everything I no longer feel lost, tumbling down a dark hole. And I was tumbling down a hole, and one day I might never have been able to get a hold of something firm, had it not been for the hand of the second girl.
Really these two girls have nothing in common, other than I wanted both in my life.
To summarize my experiences: The statement "men and women can/can't be just friends" is a pointless question. The real question is whether you are able to be friends with which ever person you want to be with. It is complicated, difficult, painful and it is worth finding out. I have made the mistake of being friends with someone who I couldn't be just friends with, and I almost made the mistake of not being friends with another because of it. I almost gave up one of the best relationships of my life.
I dedicate this post to Meagan. She makes it possible for me to be who I know I can be. She also makes it possible for me to feel peace in a place torn and scarred. She is my best friend.
