Going back and reading that discombobbled mess of a post, I often wonder why I can't write my thoughts in a more clear and single file line. I mean, WOW, what a mess. Here we go again!
It so often comes to this in my life. I procrastinate things I've been meaning to do for weeks or months before some event. This time it's going home for a vacation. I approach it like two math assignments I was out sick on and now they're due. Just put my head down and power through... and that's just to make the LIST of the things I need to do. Once the list is made and I've made the proper mental adjustments I realize it's not so bad. But I know once I get one or two things done I'll be high on accomplishment I wont get the other, now "minor", things done. Is there something wrong with me? (Why do I ask so many rhetorical questions to myself and then kick my ass until I have a clever response? hah!)
Going home is like a rejuvenation for me. I get to eat well, I get to spend time with people I love to spend time with... and I realize why I'm not living there anymore. For example, I'll have to run downtown Portland for my dad and then pick up a worker for him to transport to a job site only to have to go buy supplies for the job... etc., etc. Some people might see my loathing in this regard as selfish or "doesn't-know-a-hard-days-work" sort of attitude, which isn't the case at all. It's much more subtle and difficult to understand (for some) I think. Though, because I'm only in town for those few days it doesn't effect me, in fact, it's nice to do something productive and helpful for my Dad or whomever. But before... oh man, the only comparable loathing that I had for my Dad not asking me to do these tasks for him, but telling me to, was... on my mission actually. Not the mission itself, just some instances on the mission where you pass the point of breaking making contacts (or whatever)... and then having the pressure of your companion (which could lead directly to pressure from the mission prez, and often did in my mission) then spiritual guilt of not "doing-what-you're-called-to-do". It was much easier to just grin and bear it in the mission because you were surrounded by, preceeded by, and lead by people who were all doing the same. Doesn't mean it didn't suck though. And I was one of the handful of missionaries that loved the mission on my mission... and the reason was because as bad as all that was, it wasn't as bad as living at home being told what to do. Haha, that sounds pretty bad I know, but it's true.
large paragraphs aside, I'm excited to go home!
-Peace
